An Understanding That Helps You Pray Better

Understanding can make all the difference. 

A lumberjack bought a new kind of saw: a chain saw. 

The saw was guaranteed to cut dozens of logs a day. Wearing himself out, he only managed to cut one log a day. 

Returning to the store, the lumberjack complained.

The store owner pulled the cord and the chainsaw roared to life. 

The surprised lumberjack asked, “What’s that noise?” 

Understanding made all the difference. 

How do you understand prayer? Your answer will either limit or free you; impoverish or enrich you. 

Let’s look at a few limiting understandings of prayer before I propose one that frees and enriches.

Some limiting views of prayer

There is some truth—perhaps lots of truth—in the following descriptions, but I suggest that each of them limits us. 

1.       “Talking to God” was a definition common in my early Christian years.

Its weakness is that it views prayer as one-way communication: I speak; God listens. 

2.       One of my theology professors was fond of Simone Weil’s (1909-1943) statement: 

Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.

Although I agree that praying usually has an intentional focus, “unmixed attention” can describe lots of activities. For instance, watch a person riveted to a computer game or texting on an iPhone, and you’ll have an illustration of “absolutely unmixed attention.” 

Prayer is more than “unmixed attention.” 

3.       James Montgomery (1771–1854) wrote the lyrics to a hymn about prayer. He wrote at least eight stanzas, the first being: 

Prayer is the soul’s sincere desire,

Uttered or unexpressed,

The motion of a hidden fire

That trembles in the breast. 

Does the absence of these feelings mean you are not praying? 

What about other emotions, such as disappointment and anger? Do they disqualify your prayer? 

4.       A thorough, orthodox definition is offered by the Westminster Shorter Catechism (1647). 

Q. 98. What is prayer?

Prayer is an offering up of our desires unto God, for things agreeable to his will, in the name of Christ, with confession of our sins, and thankful acknowledgment of his mercies.

This is accompanied by numerous Bible verses as proofs for each component of the definition.

There is a certain cool clinical detachment in the Catechism’s presentation of the facts about prayer. 

How do you understand prayer? And does your understanding make a difference?

A shift in understanding

What is a better understanding of prayer that makes a difference?

For me, the most helpful description of prayer was penned by Clement of Alexandria (150-215 A.D.): 

Keeping company with God 

Understanding prayer in this way made a significant difference for me. 

I no longer saw prayer as a medium of communication, like a text message. Prayer became relational. This fresh understanding shifted my focus from prayer as a medium toward God to praying as a relationship with God.

This fresh understanding made all the difference.

Four benefits 

Here are four benefits flowing from this relational understanding of prayer. 

1.       Praying becomes a conversation.

We do not develop much of a relationship if we do all the talking—conversation goes both ways. 

Keeping company with God encourages us to listen to God and speak with God. It also allows for times of companionable silence. 

Here are two posts built around Jesus’ visit to the home of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42) that you might find helpful for listening: “4 Qualities of Active Listening” and “Listening Well to God.” 

Praying that is relational incorporates conversation with God. 

2.       Praying becomes a way of life. 

We do not develop intimate relationships with people without spending significant amounts of quality time with them. 

If prayer is “keeping company with God,” that means spending time with Him. I explore this further in “Time for God?” and “How’s Your Relationship with God?” 

This also helps us make sense of biblical texts such as “pray continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:17; Ephesians 6:18).   

Praying that is relational invites us to spend more time with God in all the activities of life. 

3.       Praying becomes more honest. 

Prayer as a medium can tend towards formality as if you are speaking to a judge or putting a request to an official. 

If prayer is “keeping company with God,” over time we become more transparent and honest. For instance, emotions of disappointment and anger are expressed—as if we were in the presence of our best friend. Consider the emotions expressed in Psalm 42-43; 143; or Jonah 4 ("When You're Angry with God"). 

Praying that is relational erodes barriers to openness and honesty. 

4.       Praying becomes transformational. 

As we keep company with God we become more aware of God’s heart, purposes, desires, intentions, ways, and will. It is no longer about ‘me’; it is about ‘us’—and more importantly, ‘Him!’

Our growing awareness of God’s heart becomes fertile ground for change in our own hearts, attitudes, biases, self-centeredness, …. 

Praying that is relational involves our transformation. 

Does this fresh understanding of prayer make a difference for you? How does it help you pray better?

You can contact me here.

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